Unanswered Prayers

As I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep last night, my mind started wandering, as it usually does. I was thinking about a conversation I had with my husband in the car a few weeks ago. Garth Brooks was on the radio singing "Unanswered Prayers" and Ben said that it was his song to me, referring of course to a previous relationship that he had prayed would work out, but was now thankful that it had not. It occurred to me last night that the best things in my life were the result of unanswered prayers.

I thought back to when I was 18. In a relationship that I shouldn't have been in. Sitting at a friends house waiting for the results of a pregnancy test and PRAYING that it would be negative. I wasn't ready for a baby. If I'm being honest, at that time in my life I didn't think I wanted children at all. I wanted to be a kid, not have a kid. The test, of course, was positive, and 9 months later I was blessed with my Nathan. In a lot of ways we would grow up together over the next couple years. He has been a large part of making me who I am today. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be who I am, or where I am. Unanswered Prayer.

Around that same time in my life I started asking God to make my relationship with Nathans father work out. I loved him. I needed him. Or so I thought. I dreamed about how we would raise Nathan together. Buy a house someday and live happily ever after. Little did I know that there was another plan in place for me. One that would take more than a decade to unfold. One that would bring Ben into my life. It was a long and sometimes heartbreaking road, but it ended with me finding a man that not only loves me, but WANTS me... wants me for who I am, not who I pretend to be. He loves me, faults and all. He was worth the pain and the heartbreak that came before him. He was worth the wait. Unanswered Prayer.

After Ben and I were married, we started trying to have a baby. In July of 2010 we found out that we were expecting, and just a short time later, I lost the baby. I prayed, I pleaded, I begged God to let this baby live. I screamed and cried and felt completely hopeless. Why? Why couldn't I just have this baby? May 14th, 2011 I found out why. The moment Grace was born I knew that she was meant to be mine all along. She is a happy, smiling, chubby, snuggly, amazing little girl. She has brought SO much joy into the lives of the people that love her already, and my life wouldn't be the same without her. Unanswered Prayer.

It's hard sometimes to understand why things happen the way that they do. It's especially hard for someone who needs to have constant control. Faith is a hard rule to follow. But when I look back at all the things that didn't work out the way I wanted. All the things that I didn't get that I thought I needed. I realize that there is a definite plan in place for me, and everything has happened exactly the way it was supposed to.