The Rush To Grow Up

How do we slow the growing process? I don't mean literally, but rather figuratively. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to properly express to my 13 year old that he should enjoy the age he is and not wish his childhood away. He's in such a hurry to do all the things that adults do. It's not uncommon for me to hear him say "I can't wait until I can move out" or "I can't wait until school is over so I can get a job." WHY???

I think I'll write him a letter outlining some of the examples.

Dear Nathan,

In your haste to grow up and leave my house, I believe that you have overlooked some very important issues. I have taken the liberty of listing some of them here for you... If you move out, the following things will happen:

1. Groceries will stop appearing in the kitchen. Not only will you have to pay for them, but you'll also have to go to the store, pick out what you want, load it all in the car, unload it all when you get home, put it all away in the kitchen, and then use what you bought to make something edible to keep yourself alive... it's a lot of work and you might just find yourself wondering if it's even worth it. Sometimes starving sounds more appealing to me than going to the grocery store.

2. The dishes that you use to cook with and eat off of will no longer transport themselves from the sink to the cupboard. In related news, the food that you leave on said dishes will also not remove itself. It's possible that your appetite will also be affected by the way milk smells when it's been left in a glass overnight... it does NOT get better with age.

3. Contrary to what you may think, clothes do NOT wash themselves and then walk themselves to your room and neatly climb into the closet or dresser. You will also become aquainted with a pesky pest called WRINKLES. Wrinkles may be a stranger to you now, but you'll become very close, I assure you.

4. Speaking of clothes, you will find it much less amusing when the dog that you love so much chews up the socks you left on the floor. This is because you will have to pay to replace them.

5. Ignore number 4, I don't know what I was thinking. You won't be able to afford a dog.

6. Although I'm sure you never realized it before, things like water, electricity, and your beloved MTV will no longer be freely accessed. This may cause you to actually turn off a light when you leave a room or (gasp) NOT take a 45 minute shower. Speaking of showers... you will no longer be able to yell from the bathroom: "Mom, I'm out of body wash" and have me respond: "There's more in the cabinet."

7. The $75 shoes that you INSIST on getting will become a distant memory. Suddenly Payless will seem much more tolerable and you'll start wondering why you would pay so much money for something that you walk on all day.

8. Although going to school seems like hard work, it's really not. Going to work is much worse. If you think having me boss you around is bad, just wait until you are making minimum wage and having to take orders from someone who makes twice what you do and does half the work.


Sincerely,

The Maid Your Loving Mother